so yes, i'm back from auckland and missing everything about it. from the chicks to the weather. even went bungee jumping after a failed attempt on going snow boarding. so yeah.

went for my interview today at hotel istana. everything went well and i got accepted. will be starting work on the 9th of october. good luck to me and hope i survive.

everything lately has been a mess. scandals after scandals, dramas after dramas. joe has been asking me to forget about my past as it is healthy to forget about it. he too gets reminded by his ex when she gave him a german soldier hat that he always wanted. he asked me to do so because i still talk about jac. he is the only classmate i actually trust and would tell him things and he does the same to me. he told me his scandal and heck, if i were him, i wouldnt tell anyone at all!

today has been the first day that im really alone. back from auckland and mum flew back to kk. family are all gone. sometimes i just take things for granted. for example, my mum. i dont know why i always push her buttons even though i know that would make her mad and hate me. i just dont know why i do it. i hate me for doing such things to my family.

ever since i got back, my head has been spinning. thinking about everything. i even planned out what i should get for jac on her birthday, which is the same day i go for work. but i wouldnt know if it would be the best idea to actually do it. she doesnt even reply my text messages anymore. maybe it was because of that day i kinda ignored her when pikky and her bumped into us in hartamas. i dont know, im just assuming.

im just lost. i wish i knew. i wish i had my life back as it was before. it was beautiful. really beautiful. i enjoyed, admire and will cherish it for the rest of my life. as for now, i guess it's best i just ... hope for a miracle to happen.

rick.